Coping with the Loss of a Colleague

Losing a colleague under any circumstances is difficult. The death may bring back issues you thought were resolved. Here are some common reactions:

• • Disbelief. Realizing that someone who shared your daily life is gone may be disorienting. The sense that something is missing can be strong.
  • Sadness and anger. The death of a colleague may seem unfair, especially if it was violent or unexpected.
  • Reflection. Talk about the person’s unique qualities and contributions. Laugh and share stories with colleagues.
  • Uncertainty. You may wonder what will happen with work projects or if someone will replace your colleague. These thoughts are a normal response to change.
  • Resistance. You may feel sadness or resentment when a current colleague or new staff member assumes the deceased person’s duties.

Some people may want to avoid walking past the person’s office or workspace, while others may find the space comforting or want it to stay unchanged for a time. It is not unusual for a desk, locker, or other tangible reminder to become a place of memorial.

How to help yourself:

• • Seek support. Reach out to family, friends, and colleagues.
  • Practice good self-care. Get sufficient rest, exercise, and nutrition. Express your feelings through journaling or a creative pursuit.
  • Be a helper. Offer support to others who have been affected, both when you first hear the news and as time goes on.
  • Reach out to the family. Call, email, or text to show your support. Ask if you can help in a practical way. Consider attending the visitation or funeral service and sharing your memories of their loved one.
  • Memorialize your colleague. Write, draw, share favorite photos, or engage in another creative activity. If it seems appropriate, share what you have created with your colleague’s family.

When to ask for help:

• • If your life, work, or relationships are being disrupted
  • If your feelings are overwhelming and you don’t know how to express them
  • If you aren’t sure if the way you are reacting is “normal”
  • If you are using alcohol or other drugs to cope